Being with you for 2 years is such a ride in a roller coaster. There were ups and downs, laughter and sorrow, set backs and make ups. T'was indeed fun, but like in a roller coaster over staying the ride will cause you headaches and too much jolt of excitement can cause further heartaches.
Honestly, change is not quiet easy, I fight to hold on and I fight to let go. Loosing you was loosing half of me, I used to wake up with the thought of you loving me, I used to go on the day letting you know every detail of the minutes, I used to hugged myself to sleep knowing you are still going to love me the next day. For 25 months I must say I really got attached with your presence, with your compliments, with your I love you's and I miss you's. It wasn't easy...everything from the start wasn't easy. But hey! I loved you.
In a snap of a finger it was all gone. I was wrecked, I was broken, I was terrified to wake up hearing nothing from you. There wasn't no explanation and I'm hating the guessing game on why did you let go. I don't hate you; I hate myself on why did I let you hold a huge part of me, I'm hating myself for letting you step and stumble on me, I hate myself for being needy of you, I hate myself for giving you all the chances, I hate myself for believing you would change, I hate myself for trusting you.
I became selfless; I forgot to love myself when I made you a part of it. I cared too much that I forgot to care for myself. I don't know why I have this feeling towards you, it's too strong. You were insensitive, yes, you do. And as I write all of these I'm trying to fight back the anger and set backs I have for you. You hurt me, in the most unreasonable manner.
Today, I set myself to let go of everything. From the anger, grudges up to the love I once had for you. Today I'm now choosing my happiness without your presence, I am now letting the commitment I once gave to you. Today, I'm planning ahead of a future without you in it. Today, I now feel better. I'll be fine and it all starts today.
Thank you for letting me go, now there's a space for someone better. I now have all the time to repair and prepare the space you once had for that someone better. Thank you, for hurting me, now my standards are higher. Lesson learned, now I know who to choose in the future, who to be with, grow with and share my trust into.
I'm not doing this because you deserves it; I am doing this for myself. I deserve the most of happiness. Forgiveness given and I must start now walking away from you. I'm ending all here, no more leaning and holding back. I'm free!
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